Journal – Chapter One: Struggles

 

Hi friend.

My husband and I are taking a vacation in a couple of weeks to Las Vegas. It’s our very late honeymoon. In anticipation of the trip and the upcoming Easter holiday – I have started to run my diet into overdrive. I cut out carbs, red meats, sugars, artificial sugars, and processed foods from my diet.

Why?

I was finding myself standing in front of the mirror pointing out every part of my body that I found imperfect. If I heard people laughing or talking under their breath I was certain that they were talking about me… laughing at me. I began laying in bed imagining that when I saw my family they would tell me how disgusting I was.

In summary – I was worried about what others would say about/to me. I was worried about not looking as good as the other girls in Las Vegas. I wanted to look good NOW.

So I did it. I started a new diet. I thought that cutting out these foods from my diet and eating much less would start a miracle and the weight would just fly off. After a couple of days of eating nothing but a few fruits, nuts, and vegetables – I made myself sick.

I could feel my stomach rumbling nightly from the lack of food in my system. I was thinking about food constantly. I could feel myself about to vomit from the morning and nightly ritual of chugging a large glass mixture of grapefruit juice, honey, and vinegar on an empty stomach. I was feeling dizzy and sick to my stomach for the few days that I did this. I was shocking my system.

Am I going to continue on this diet? Yes, but I’m going to eat a lot more healthy amounts. I am going to introduce protein to every meal. I am going to eat a well balanced breakfast.

Here’s the thing: 

  • I would rather take things slow and feel good
  • No one is laughing at me – and if they are, they obviously don’t know the awesome person that I am
  • Only I can choose how I see myself. If I continue to see myself as just a “fat girl” rather than a beautiful, outgoing, intelligent, funny, courageous, etc. girl – then that’s all I’ll ever be.

So yeah. I am overweight- but I’m hundreds of other things too.

My weight does not define me. 

 

 

 

 

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